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December 2, 2011
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Button Stitch made her way through the quaint streets of Ponyville the following day, cringing inwardly every time she passed a garishly painted building that was the result of her bizarre alter ego's nighttime handiwork.

There were groups of ponies, mostly colts and fillies, wandering around the town just to look at the colorful carnage. Some of the buildings' owners stood stunned and staring at the eyesore that their business or home had become. Some had hiked up their tails and set right to work scrubbing the walls or repainting. The hardware stores were quickly selling out of paint and cleaning supplies.

The Mayor had taken one look at the clashing argyle that now coated the town hall and had fainted dead away. They were carrying her off on a stretcher to Ponyville Urgent Care, half conscious and muttering to herself about playing tennis with a giant blancmange. Button stopped and watched as they went by, a sheepish look on her face.  

She hung her head with a sigh as the small procession passed. "One more pony I have to apologize to..."

Button raised her head, drew in a breath, steeled herself, and continued on her way to her morning's destination, a shop with a green shingled roof and a sign bearing the images of a writing quill and a sofa.

The beige mare stood in front of the door for a long time, concentrating on breathing in and out just like she had earlier that morning standing at her bathroom mirror, then at her front door, then at the end of the path by her mailbox, and then at the intersection of her street and the avenue that took her into the town square. She needed to allow one of her front hooves to move so that it could knock on the door, but she was careful not to let the other three get any ideas lest she start galloping away at top speed. Finally, she reached up, her other hooves shaking on the cobblestones, and rapped four times.

After what felt like an eternity the door opened, and she immediately wished it hadn't. A haggard looking tan stallion in a blue vest bearing a name tag that said "Davenport" met her with a deadpan expression. "Oh... Hello, Button Stitch." Reproach and bitterness hung off of his greeting like icicles.

She felt a knot tighten in her chest as she tried to give him an apologetic smile. "H-hello Davenport. I... I wanted to..."

The beige mare was cut off as he abruptly raised a hoof. "Save it. I'm done. Finished."

Tears were beginning to gather at the corners of her eyes. "But... But I just want to say I'm sorry!"

He pursed his lips and shook his head. "Don't care. You stomped all over my heart twice already. I don't think it can take a third time."

She took a shaky step forward, reaching out a hoof. "D-davenport. Please, its not too late. It CAN'T be too late. I..."

He brought his hoof down with a sharp impact on his doorstep. "NO! It IS too late. I'm throwing in the towel. No more mares. I've had it with all of you. I'm sick of getting rejected time after time. I'm gonna sell off all my sofas, pack up my quills, and go be a hermit or something."

With that, he turned his back to her and stalked inside. "Goodbye, Miss Stitch." He kicked the door shut with a rear hoof so it slammed sharply in her face.

Button stood with her jaw hanging open, tears streaming down her cheeks. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This wasn't how her new friends had promised her it would go. This wasn't how it was meant to be. This was all her fault. This was what she got for thinking she deserved happiness. This was everything wrong with her. This was something deep inside of her stretching and snapping. This was the way a can of swirly pink and white Neigh-doh squeezed through the little star shape and made a long loopty loop loop rootin' tootin' wang dang doodle diddy wah diddy fandango.

The beige mare's amber eyes flashed and started spinning, as she ground her teeth in a fierce snarl. A flush of pink boiled across her face, soon covering her entire head as her tan curls stood up and began to writhe and swirl with streaks of purple and white. Her whole body shook and wobbled as it turned pink. Her button and needle cutie mark started to spin around the center point of the button, faster and faster until it blurred into a grey disk. A few seconds later it slowed down, finally coming to a stop as the sign of the Screwball.

She puffed out her cheeks, and her head began to expand like a rapidly inflating balloon, lifting her body up off of the ground as it loomed over the roof of the quill and sofa dealership. A relatively tiny bright yellow and green propeller beanie spiraled down from some unknown point in the sky and landed atop the swelling giant pony head. It opened its wide gaping mouth and drew in a breath like a hurricane wind, and the tiny pink pony body hanging from its neck inflated to match, with hooves as wide as giant redwood trees slamming into the streets and cratering them. The massive, swirling ponyoid lashed its spiral festooned tail, threw back its head, and let loose a roar reminiscent of a Neighponese soundtrack composer dragging his hoof across the strings of a contrabass.

It looked down with furious, swirling eyes at the building before it, and reached its fore hooves under the edge of the green shingled roof. With a heave, it tore the entire upper floor off as if it were opening a toy chest, raining debris down into the sofa and quill showroom below.

Davenport looked up with wide, terrified eyes at the gigantic scowling pink face looming over him. Every part of his mind, psyche, and soul started jumping on their metaphorical couches and screaming at the top of their metaphorical lungs, and so the non-metaphorical part of him couldn't help but join in.

The ponioid gargantua leaned down and caught him with its teeth by the collar of his vest and lifted him bodily into the air. He kicked and writhed in its iron grip, shrieking in a surprisingly high register for a stallion his age as the buildings of Ponyville dropped away below his flailing hooves. Like a rampaging pink parade float, the creature slowly pivoted in the air and floated ominously toward the center of town.

***
The six mares composing the Elements of Harmony came galloping out the front door of Sugarcube Corner and stood gaping in horror at the hovering monster as the tiny ponies below screamed and stampeded in all directions from the town square. Pinkie Pie's ears and eyes were flapping and fluttering so fast one would think she'd glued hummingbirds to her head, in defiance of Fluttershy's stern warning against doing so several months ago.

Rarity look a sidelong glance at the pink mare, huffed, and levitated a checkered napkin over to scrub off the splattering of frosting and maple syrup all over the awestruck party pony's snout. "Darling, if this IS the Aponyclypse the least you can do is wipe your face."

Twilight Sparkle shook her head to clear it, and gave a decisive nod. "Change of plans, girls. Get your necklaces and meet me in the town square!"

As one the band of predestined friends and heroines of Equestria scattered to their homes to retrieve the magical relics.

***
The giant pink and purple manifestation of chaos drifted into orbit around Ponyville's tallest building, the multistoried town hall, which was now painted a hideous argyle pattern like the golf sock of some inscrutable cosmic horror from beyond space, time, and taste.

The tiny, flailing form of Davenport hung from the huge creature's lips, crying to be let go. His panic, alarm, fear, and stark terror were all jumping with abandon on the cushions of the metaphorical lounge suite of his mind. His sensible side, which currently was cringing under the metaphorical coffee table, went unheeded when it timorously whispered that in his current position that might not be the best thing to have happen to him right now.

The huge ponyform being lighted on the domed roof of the hall like something between a hot air balloon and a dodo bird, its tabletop wide hooves shattering glass windows and stripping shingles as it reared up on its hind legs.

It transferred the hapless stallion from its mouth to one of its fore hooves, spitting him out and catching him in the crook of its hock and then brandishing him over the buildings of Ponyville like a Smarty Pants Junior doll. It threw back its head and made a noise like a foghorn half submerged in a vat of banana flavored pudding.

Out of the wide, pink tinged sky, two winged shapes darted, a pair of pegasi around whose necks glittered collars of gold, a large jewel flashing red in the morning sun on the cyan blue one and glinting pink on the butter yellow one.

Rainbow Dash banked and started buzzing the gargantuan ponyoid's swirling head, snarling a challenge to the creature. "Hey, you big freak! Put that pony down! Pick on somepony your own size!"

She let out a cry of alarm and jinked out of the way as a massive pink appendage arced through the air, barely missing her. She shouted at the thing indignantly. "What did I just tell you!?"

Down below, Fluttershy started circling as fast as her comparatively weaker wings could carry her, her aqua green eyes wide with concern as she looked up at the billowing thing. "Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!"

Meanwhile, down further below on the street, a delegation of four earthbound ponies skidded to a stop before the impossible tableau. Their leader, a lavender unicorn with a six pointed jewel star adorning a golden tiara on her violet maned head, stepped forward and looked up at the towering creature with a mix of determination and caution on her face.

Twilight cleared her throat, and attempted to emulate the Royal Canterlot voice that Princess Luna had demonstrated to her at the last Nightmare Night afterparty. "ATTENTION PLEASE! AS A DULY DELEGATED REPRESENTATIVE OF THE CO-REGENTS OF CANTERLOT, THE NATION OF EQUESTRIA, AND THE TOWN OF PONYVILLE, I HEREBY CALL ON YOU TO RELEASE ALL UNDULY DETAINED CITIZENS, CEASE ALL CHAOTIC ACTIVITY, AND RETURN TO A STATE OF NORMALCY, OR I AND MY FELLOW ELEMENTS OF HARMONY WILL BE COMPELLED TO USE THE MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP TO FORCE COMPLIANCE."

She let out a sigh and looked crestfallen as the towering thing raised its free hoof to its lips and made thunderous burbling noises while it stared off into space.

Applejack stared up at the bizarre spectacle with a sardonic expression on her face. "That's tellin' her, Twi."

Pinkie Pie's tail started twitching in addition to all the action going on around her head, and she started hopping frantically in place. "Twitchy tail! Twitchy Tail! Something's gonna fall from the sky like hail!"

Applejack turned to face her with a raised eyebrow. "Y'all buckin' fer Zecora's job or somethin' Pink?"

The pink pony shook her head as she bounced, twitched, blinked, and fluttered. "Nope! Waaay too much paperwork. But thanks for reminding me that I need to take her some frosted waffles after all of this blows over."

Rarity pointed skyward with a hoof, glaring at her friends with flashing, sapphire eyes. "If you are all QUITE finished trading clever bon mots, poor Mister Davenport appears to be in mortal danger!"

High above, the gigantic ponyoid had twisted its torso and raised its forelegs, balling the terrified stallion up between the cups of its hooves and raising a knee in a fashion reminiscent of a baseball pitcher, despite the fact that baseball pitchers in Equestria were quadrupeds who pitched with their mouths.

Twilight Sparkle's eyes went wide with horror. "Oh NO!"

Applejack gasped and raised a hoof to her mouth. "She's windin' up fer a throw!"

Pinkie started leaping higher and higher, screaming out her defiance. "We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!"

Rarity's horn glimmered, and her fainting couch skidded out of nowhere to catch her as she brought a hoof to her forehead and swooned.

Rainbow Dash darted in and tried desperately to pry the massive rubbery pink hooves apart, sweat springing from her brow and teeth gritted in fierce determination. She let out a shriek of frustration and shouted down to Fluttershy, jabbing a hoof toward the horizon. "Go long! We gotta try to catch him out of the air."

The butter yellow pegasus gave a nod and lit out over the rooftops of Ponyville propelled by her wings and a steady stream of "Oh my goodness!". She looked back over her shoulder as Rainbow Dash rocketed overhead on a matching trajectory.

Both flying mares screeched to a midair halt at the sound of Twilight's voice. "Stop! We need you here to power the Harmony Beam!"

Applejack shook her head vehemently. "What's gonna happen t' that poor feller if'n he gets caught in it too?"

The lavender mare's face contorted in panic. "I don't know! The results of my research are vague at best! He might be fine. He might be left with the equivalent of an ice cream headache. Or every ponycule in his body may explode at the speed of light, leaving only a cloud of vaguely mint scented vapor!"

Pinkie Pie brought a hoof to her mouth in dismay. "Oh NO! Twilight, we can't! Ice cream headaches are the WORST!"

Rainbow Dash frantically waved her hooves over her head. "We're running out of options, girls! Things are lookin' bad for the home team!"

Twilight clenched her teeth and her horn began to spark. "We've got to take the shot! May Celestia and Luna forgive us!"

Oblivious to the gathering glow of magic on the street far below, the huge pony thing narrowed its swirling eyes and a wicked grin spread across its face. It tensed itself, preparing to hurl Davenport to his doom, while a bulge appeared in its cheek as if it were chewing on a large lump of bubble gum.

This protuberance worked its way around to the front of the gargantua's mouth, but instead of a large, elastic pink bubble, the head and fore hooves of a beige earth pony mare with a tangled light brown mane popped out between the creature's lips. Her face contorted with fury, and she waved her legs emphatically as her voice echoed out over Ponyville. "ENOUGH!"

With a grunt of supreme effort, she planted her fore hooves on the thing's upper teeth and shoved down on its jaw with her hind legs, levering its mouth open. The giant ponyoid's eyes crossed as a thoroughly nonplussed expression spread across its vast pink face. Button Stitch roared out in a voice like an enraged lioness. "I AM SICK TO DEATH OF YOU!"

The creature's mouth slammed painfully shut, shattering its incisors like china as Button slipped out and hooked a hoof in one of its nostrils, hauling herself up onto its snout. She stood perched on the tip of its nose with her amber eyes flashing like hot coals and her disheveled tail hiked high and lashing behind her.

Her voice came hissing through her teeth in a low, dangerous growl. "I'm sick of you crawling around inside my mind and making me feel weird and wrong and not good enough. I'm even MORE sick of you slipping out through the hole that that rotten creep Discord made for you and hijacking my body for your stupid joyrides. But the LAST STRAW is you making a plaything out of the stallion that I have come to understand and wholeheartedly accept that I love."

Sandwiched between the monster's hooves, Davenport waved a foreleg feebly and called out in a tight, shaky voice. "Th-thanks, Button! For what it's worth, I'm s-sorry about what I said. I love you too!"

Undeterred from her tirade, the beige mare leaned forward and shouted in the swirling chaos being's massive face. "This is GAME OVER! I am kicking you OUT!"  

With that Button wheeled on her fore hooves and bucked the huge pink pony creature right between its whirling eyes, leaving a crater in the rubbery surface that began to expand, engulfing its features as they swirled into it like water spinning down a drain.

The beige mare made a mighty leap from its receding snout to its shoulder, galloping up the length of its upraised foreleg as its grip slackened on Davenport, who was curled into a fetal position and whimpering with tightly shut eyes. As she cleared the imploding pony monster's mighty hock, she threw her forelegs around the tan stallion's torso and vaulted into the open air, plummeting with him toward the streets of Ponyville so far below.

Rarity let out a gasp as she stood with her circle of friends and watched these events unfold. With a frantic flick of her horn, she sent her chaise lounge spinning and skittering across the cobblestones to cushion their fall. They hit the rich, brocade upholstered cushion with a thump, bounced once, twice, then collapsed in a limp tangle of legs, necks, and tails.

The alabaster unicorn's attention snapped back to the incandescent glow of the purple, diamond shaped gemstone at her throat, as she felt herself levitating into the air in an aura of magic. The other Elements of Harmony did the same, the jewels on their necklaces pulsing with ancient power.

Twilight Sparkle's eyes flared white as she howled an invocation. "They're clear! ELEMENTS OF HARMONY ARE GO!"

A beam of rainbow light shot out from the six mares, twisting into a lance of braided colors that augured through the already dissipated substance of the gigantic pink and purple creature. It parted around the beam like grease on the surface of water parts from a drop of liquid soap, shockwaves of purifying magic causing it to ablate into tenuous swirls of gossamer before vanishing completely. In short order the gargantuan creature was gone, leaving the Harmony Beam to cleave the sky for a few glorious moments before it flickered and vanished as well.

Twilight and her friends drifted down to the ground, landing unsteadily on their hooves as the vast power held in their hearts and focused by the ancient artifacts went quiet once more.

As the smoke cleared, Davenport sat up groggily, a dazed expression on his face. He blinked, taking in his surroundings until his gaze fell on the couch he was seated on. He reached up a hoof and felt the upholstery, his voice coming out shaky and tenuous."Hey, this... this is a really swanky chaise lounge. N-nice fabric choice..."

A moment later, a flushed, beaming Button Stitch reared up, grabbed him by the head, and pulled him into a kiss that would have melted a set of titanium horseshoes right off of his hooves.

***
Some distance outside Ponyville, a green and yellow propeller beanie traced a lazy downward spiral through the air, the spinning blades slowing its descent to a gentle, drifting freefall. It settled among a patch of flowers like a dandelion seed and went still.

THE END



The characters depicted in this fiction are copyright and trademarks of Hasbro, Inc. This is a work of fan fiction, and the author makes no claim on Hasbro's copyright or trademarks.

A My Little Pony - Friendship Is Magic Fan Fiction.

Screwball Mio Amore

A sequel to "The Turning of The Screwball "[link]

Back to Ponyville, after a harrowing night. Button goes to try to patch things up with Davenport. Almost predictably, it doesn't go well. Then, the unpredictable manifests itself, and it's time for the Elements of Harmony to go for the big guns in the climactic conclusion.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this story enough to want to read it again, here's the link to Part 1 -> [link]

So what happened with that propeller beanie? Find out here -> [link]
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:iconjasonshadow:
JasonShadow Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012
"...playing tennis with a giant blancmange..."

I LOVE that Monty Python episode! :D
Reply
:iconrowan193:
Rowan193 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2012
"Ice cream headaches are the WORST!"

Oh, Pinkie Pie, don't ever change.

I love this fic so freaking much.
Reply
:icontritos:
tritos Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012
that last scene was perfect
Reply
:iconmerchmandan:
MerchManDan Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2011
Fantastic!!
Reply
:iconnovdecjan:
NovDecJan Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
reminiscent of a Neighponese soundtrack composer dragging his hoof across the strings of a contrabass.....I see what you did there SHEEEERONNK!
Reply
:iconmarmelmm:
marmelmm Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
(standing ovation) Bravissimo! Well played!
Reply
:iconnutjobgto:
NutjobGTO Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2011
I hate to be a spoiler, but...

With the ending the way it... Ends, will we at least be seeing cameos of these two in the future? The ending kinda... Guillotined off the story, it feels like.
Reply
:iconjayessell:
jayessell Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2011
In the sequel...some unsuspecting pony puts on the cap.
The propeller spins faster and faster lifting the wearer off the ground...
Then the propeller stops causing the cap and pony to spin....
It slows to a stop revealing....
SCREWALOO!!
Reply
:iconhunter-drone:
hunter-drone Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011
...not necessarily. Screwy Bell is just as likely as Screwaloo, and far more ironic considering who Stitch is friends with.
Reply
:iconshining-armor7:
shining-armor7 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011
Excellent
Reply
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